Short answer: yes. Buying something for yourself does not require a partner or anyone else's permission. The more useful question is what to check before spending money, because confidence to buy is not the same as knowing what you are buying.
Separate the decision into two parts. First: do you actually want one? Second: which option fits your priorities? The first answer is personal. The second can be checked against materials, care instructions, settings, size, charging and storage.
Start with one sentence before opening a shop tab
Write this down: "I want something for [the experience you want], and I do not want [the feature or trade-off you want to avoid]." Keep it specific. "Small and simple, not feature-heavy" is useful. "The best one" is not.
That sentence gives you a filter. If a product page cannot tell you its actual material, how it is cleaned, how it charges or what the controls do, close the tab. A vague claim such as "body-safe" is not a substitute for a material statement.
What the research actually says, not just the reassurance
Most of what gets written about this leans on vibes: "you deserve pleasure," "don't be ashamed." Two actual studies say something more specific.
A 2024 cross-sectional survey of 370 women in Switzerland, published in the International Journal of Sexual Health (Wehrli, Bodenmann, Clemen and Weitkamp), found that higher psychological distress was associated with more frequent solo pleasure in one stimulation category. Because it was cross-sectional, it cannot show whether one caused or reduced the other.
A separate study of 2,408 Brazilian women, published in Sexuality & Culture, found that more frequent solo pleasure correlated with lower body shame and higher body appreciation. The authors were careful to note the correlation was modest, not causal, which is a more honest sentence than most articles quoting this kind of research bother to include.
Psychologist Mark Travers wrote up both studies for Psychology Today Australia in June 2024, and the line worth keeping is his, not ours: solo pleasure "doesn't depend on a partner's availability" and lets someone "fully focus on themselves without performance pressure." That's a colder, more useful reason than "you deserve it." It's a logistics argument, not a slogan.
A practical five-minute check before you compare brands
- Material: look for the actual material name, not only "body-safe".
- Care: confirm the cleaning instructions are clear and realistic for where you live.
- Controls: decide whether you want one simple control or several settings before a long feature list distracts you.
- Power: check the charging method and whether replacement cables are available.
- Storage: choose where it will live before it arrives. Skip the purchase if you cannot control access to that space.
Where people actually go to compare, once the shame part is settled
If the "is this normal" question is answered, the next one is "so which one." A few real starting points, none of them ours:
- Dame publishes information about its user-testing and community research through Dame Labs.
- Lovehoney Australia is a broad specialist retailer with beginner advice and options across several price points.
- Smile Makers offers a beginner collection and a finder quiz for people who want a narrower starting point.
- Unbound presents a small range for both newcomers and experienced buyers.
- Biird pairs a design-led catalogue with an educational hub.
None of these will be right for everyone. If cost matters more than design, a specialist retailer's own-brand basics will usually beat any of the above on price. If you specifically want body-safe silicone and nothing else, checking a brand's actual material spec sheet matters more than checking its Instagram.
Before choosing anything, use our body-safe materials checklist to check the maker's actual material statement instead of relying on "body-safe" as a slogan.
Where this advice falls short
"Just buy it, nobody cares" is easy to say and genuinely not true for everyone. If you live with family who go through your things, or in a household where this would create real conflict rather than mild awkwardness, confidence is not the main constraint. Decide where an item could be stored before buying, and skip the purchase if you cannot control access to it. Advice written for someone with privacy does not transfer cleanly to someone without it.
It's also fair to push back on the framing of this whole piece a little: not everyone who hesitates is dealing with internalised shame that needs fixing. Some people are simply private, the same way some people don't discuss their finances or their therapy, and that's a preference, not a problem waiting to be solved by a pep talk.
FAQ
Is it normal to buy a toy for yourself if you're single?
Yes. A partner is not a prerequisite for making a personal purchase. If you want one, the practical questions are material, care, controls, power and storage.
Does buying and using something alone actually count as self-care?
Participants in a 2024 study in the International Journal of Sexual Health often described the activity as coping or self-care and reported positive feelings such as relaxation. But the same study found higher distress was associated with more frequent activity, and its cross-sectional design cannot show that the activity reduced distress. Treat "self-care" as a personal description, not a health claim.
What should I actually look for if I'm buying just for me, not a couple's set?
Start with the maker's material statement, cleaning instructions, controls, charging method and dimensions. Our body-safe materials checklist explains why the exact material matters and what a vague label can leave out.